Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Dear BrideZillas and GroomZillas

Any idiot can GET married.

It takes special kinds of matching idiocies and compatible idiosyncrasies among like minded men and women to STAY married.

I'm often surprised at how relatively little spousal murder there is in the world given the number of times that fuses are lit, on purpose, within marriages. (You know exactly what I mean-all of you...)

But to the point of this article: Yes, "morning after" pictures are idiotic, narcisistic to the point of almost mental illness and another ME ME ME ME boring and stupid "trend" that is so typical of twenty and thirty somethings nowadays.

Another completely moronic 'let's stretch out the wedding festivities, all about me' trend actually resulted in a death last week. Who thinks up these stupid things? Trash the dress? I rented mine.

Congratulations-you got married! Mazel Tov! That's wonderful, now please-shut up. 

I think it's also incredibly selfish how couples milk the wedding beyond the standard bridal shower, engagement party and wedding.

The brides are the usually the worst, planning all kinds of events that involve their close friends, or sometimes even their "frenemies" and large amounts of cash. However, lately there is a seriously disturbing metrosexual trend towards over-involvement in wedding details such as "wedding colours" and even picking the font of the invitation, the type of stamp, etc...As Kathy would put it, it's truly a display of EBMF (heh).

One is expected to attend and/or host events, buy silly dresses that can never be worn again and buy gifts. Lots of them!

Then the wedding industry-OY. And it is an industry and it often sets up a couple for complete failure before they have even started their life together. Feh!

It's like when you get a thank you card with a picture of the bride and groom on it. ARE YOU PEOPLE FOR REAL? What am I supposed to do with it other than gently place it in the recycle bin? Thank you for the thank you, but did you really think I needed a photo of you? I have a camera, I can take on if I want.

Only the kvelling grandparents need one of those suckers. And, then again, maybe not-they might not even like the married-in person.

Again, it's the all about ME ME ME thing. I AM SOOOOOOO SPECIAL.

People are happy for the newlyweds-they came and celebrated, gave gifts, ate and drank and made merry.


People! Get. Over. Your. Selves. 

The faster the better.

There is probably is a direct relationship between the success of the marriage relative to the degree of "I Am Such a Special Snowflake" syndrome quotient. Lots of things can screw up a marriage, but selfishness and narcissism are certainly biggies.