Full disclosure:
In my own humble opinion,
I am not mentally retarded, although some of my critics have suggested
otherwise in the past.
I do, however, have a child with a genetic disorder and
he is mentally retarded. That means that he has cognitive delays, and that he
is unlike “regular” children. He has an issue with his genetic make-up that
affects his physical and intellectual abilities.
In the past, individuals with mental
disabilities have been called mongoloids, morons, cretins, and imbeciles. More recently, mentally retarded has been used.
Now it is fashionable to say that these individuals have “developmental
disabilities”, or that they have “global developmental delays”. I probably have
used these terms myself over the years on various medical forms, school
applications and whatnot.
I actually have no problem myself with the
term “mentally retarded”.
I do cringe when “retard” is used as an insult, just
as I would if I heard someone use “Jew” pejoratively, or as an adjective (“Jewing”
someone down in price), or the unspeakable (except when black rap stars use it,
of course) “N” word to describe black people. What I object to is the idea that
someone’s reality, the way they were created (in my view, by G-d and in G-d’s
image) is contemptible and an insult. I’m not talking about their opinions or
politics-just the the state in which they entered this earth: disabled,
or blind, black, brown, Asian or whatever.
I object to all forms of censorship.
I believe it’s wrong to ban thoughts and
words.
In a civilized society, undesirable speech
and behaviour is self-policed. It’s a misguided policy to ban words and
phrases. Attempting to “ban” the word retarded has no positive impact on the
mentally retarded (‘developmentally delayed’) population.
All it means is that people have to tip-toe
even further around reality, and become ever more frightened of offending
parents and relatives of those with disabilities. Aren’t there enough
sensitivity minefields out there already?
That’s why I think the “campaign” against “the r-word” is misguided
and troubling and is bound to fail.
Why?
Because it lacks emotional honesty, and
skirts the truth.
The truth is that parents in particular, of
mentally retarded, or physically disabled children are terrified that our
children cause revulsion, and that people will abuse them, disdain them and
that they will lead meaningless lives.
We are terrified that because they are
mentally retarded or because their bodies have entrapped them in the most
horrendous ways, that they will not get the educational opportunities that they
need and deserve to live up to their full potential-whatever that may be.
We die a little inside every time you stare
at our children, or make fun of them.
We do wish that our flesh and blood, our
beautiful and often helpless children, were not burdened by their intellectual
and physical handicaps. We sometimes, even often wish we could make it all go
away, but we can’t.
We have to live in a world that has progressed but still
reviles disability for the most part.
One need only read the (mostly “progressive”
and leftist) discourse on Sarah Palin’s son Trig to get an idea of just how
disgusted people are by the vulnerable and disabled.
The most vile and insidious hatred of the
disabled comes undoubtedly from the left of the political spectrum. The left
loathes the disabled. Why be in denial
about such an obvious fact?
We love our kids and we know that many of
you are disgusted by them and have no patience for them.
But we live for them
and would die for them.
So, I think many parents, instead of just
admitting this, direct their efforts fruitlessly into campaigns against words,
when what they are really worried about is that their kids are being treated as
pathetic human garbage.
But nobody can be forced into loving our
children, or treating them with dignity and compassion. That kind of grace and
charity can only be innate; it can only come from within. Isn't external enforcement of “tolerance”
of any group an oxymoron, by definition?
Banning any particular descriptive will not
change societal attitudes. People will
still stare, feel pity and feel revulsion about the disabled no matter how we
characterize their intellectual or physical states.
This train of thought may make me unpopular
in the disability parenting community, but I frankly couldn’t care less.
Focusing on words instead of the reality
(see above) is, frankly, retarded.
The focus should always be on making our
children’s lives as meaningful as possible, and helping them live as
independently as possible and not trying by force, campaign or language
massaging to make anyone love and respect them as we do.
