Read the whole thing.
(I'm dying, this is so fabulous.)
AND I WANT MILO AND NOT ISIS AT MY PARTIES THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
"Gay people are getting stoned to death all the time in the Middle East, and not in the fun way: in the throw-big-rocks-at-your-head-until-you-die way. I don’t mean to be callous, but what are we gaining by letting these people in? Why can’t we help them with overseas aid? Why do they need to come here? Aren’t we just encouraging more of them to risk the trip by throwing our borders open?"
"Why are Left-wingers so ferociously pro-immigration from these fucking awful countries? I really don’t get it."
"Of course, I realise there are some other options available to me. I could always take the veil. Terrorists pretend to be women by wearing it, so why can’t I pretend to be one too, to avoid being queer-bashed in Bradford? Plus, I wouldn’t get hit on by Pakistani rape gangs because as we all know they prefer helpless young white girls to their own beefy, hirsute womenfolk."
"But when I think about it, British weather can be awfully muggy, and those things really don’t look very comfy. And how am I supposed to cruise handsome dads in the park wearing a black bedsheet?"
"From what I can tell, it’s not women and children coming over in these “refugee crises” but strong 22-year-old men. Under ordinary circumstances I’d be fine with a bit of Middle Eastern rough, but I prefer my nocturnal encounters with dark-skinned men to be at least partially consensual."
"The problem with accepting all of these people, and their culture, is there’s no place for me in it. "
"You get to have your ISIS friends, or you get to have Milo, because when you invite us to the same party… off the roof I go."